kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
