Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
