I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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