My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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