Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
