when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
