My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
