The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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