and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
im on a boat
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