its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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