Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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