one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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