So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
