Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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