I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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