people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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