piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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