is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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