Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
