I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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