: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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