he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
