You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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