I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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