You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
