sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
