Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
