Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
