the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
