I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
did you just send me my own nude
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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