Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
