seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
