If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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