I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
