so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Life is so much better after having sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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