For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sarcasm needs its own font
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
