i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
