never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
should my penis look like a turkey
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
