Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
