Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
