3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
