I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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