i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
