For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
