Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
