If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
