Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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