Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
