Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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