At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
