I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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