And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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