I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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