take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
