i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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