NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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