You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
