i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
