i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
