Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
