you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
