I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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