i barfeds in our rink
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
