Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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