Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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