Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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