Will you blow on my dice?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
