she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
