i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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