You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
