If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
