He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
