You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
