3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
