your parents love me but you hate me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm like, not good at living.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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