you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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