i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
